The 413 Mom

Think About It Thursday: Teaching Kindness

Experts (and common sense) agree that the best way to teach your children kindness is to lead by example. Lessons in kindness do not have to be overt or lecturey -- they can be quiet observances of everyday life. 

Contributing to charitable causes or volunteering your time in an official capacity are important lessons in kindness but there are so many ways we can teach this virtue without even lifting a pen or attending an event. Saying thank you, holding the door, allowing another driver the right-of-way, stopping to talk with a neighbor, contributing to the food drive, showing kindness to animals, babysitting your friends' children, allowing someone go before you in line, offering help before someone asks, giving a sincere compliment. These are all automatic ways to show kindness. However, if you're looking for some kid-centric ways to increase kindness in the world here are some great resources:

The Random Acts of Christmas Kindness calendar from Coffee Cups and Crayons has great ideas to implement at Christmas or any time of year. 

The Acts of Kindness Challenge from The SMART Playbook approaches kindness as a mission. 

And the 31 Day Kindness Challenge from Creative World School puts the action all in the kids' hands. 

As Aesop said, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." Wishing you many small acts of kindness. 

Think About It Thursday: Improving Habits

I'd like to invoke a new habit where I have more time to read for myself.

I just finished Gretchen Rubin's new book, "Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives." I love all of Rubin's self-help tomes and I was excited to read her latest because who couldn't use some help with mastering better habits? Ironically enough, one habit I'd like to adopt is to find more time to read -- for myself -- and I've currently had this book from the library for six weeks and it is now two days overdue. (My sincerest apologies to whomever is next on the wait list. It will be returned in the morning). 

Some of Rubin's best tips (her words in italics):

Pillars of Habits:

Monitoring: You manage what you monitor, so find a way to monitor whatever matters (use a fitness tracking device, a timer, a food scale, a chart, checklist, etc.)

Foundation: First things first, so begin by making sure to get enough sleep, eat and drink right, move, and un-clutter.

Scheduling: If it’s on the calendar, it happens. Respect your commitment to your new habit like you would any other appointment. 

Accountability:  You do better when you know someone’s watching–even if you’re the one doing the watching.

• Clarity: The clearer you are about what you want, the more likely you are to stick to your habits. Don't just state "I want to lose weight." Make it specific, like: I want to lose 5 pounds by January 1. 
• Convenience: Make it easy to do right and hard to go wrong. Set yourself up for success. Get all your workout gear together the night before so you can head right to the gym in the morning. 
• Reward:  The reward for a good habit is the good habit, and that’s the reward to give yourself. Oftentimes, if you promise yourself a treat once you reach your goal, you abandon the habit once you receive that treat. Try to make the new life benefit from the habit its own treat. 

You can read more about her book and strategies to uphold good habits on her blog at www.GretchenRubin.com. 

Think About It Thursday: Halloween - Have Things Gone Too Far?

My name is Valerie. And I LOVE HALLOWEEN. Love, love, love it. I even had a Halloween-themed wedding 16 years ago. But I love it like in this photo. Making costumes, playing pretend, smiling pumpkins, candy corn cupcakes, kids having fun. Fostering a sense of community through trick-or-treating in the neighborhood. Nighttime hayrides with spooky characters that jump out and cackle.

I love the classic horror films too: "The Fog," "Halloween," "Dracula." I can go about as modern as "Blair Witch Project" but after that, things get too gruesome for me. In fact, much to my husband's dismay, I can't even watch "Walking Dead." I find the incessant gore and excessive violence too off-putting. It's just not enjoyable.

While I love a spooky graveyard scene on someone's front yard with funny tombstones like "RIP Van Winkle," I do not like to see stuffed bodies hanging from trees, or gory figures with missing limbs splayed across front porches. I just feel like there is enough violence in the world without parading it around on Halloween too. This PsychCentral article by Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. suggests that these modern, gory Halloween scenes have taken things too far. That as a nation we have become desensitized to violence and that the shock value has to be ever-increasing in order to get your scare on: 

The holiday has morphed from a focus on kids and fun to a time for adult entertainment and the adrenalin rush that comes with horror...

I do wish that adults would exercise good judgment about what to put on front lawns for all to see. Children have enough to cope with without having to manage adult terrors made visible. But I do understand that for some people, being scared silly makes the scary sillier. Just keep it in the privacy of your backyard, please.

What do you think? Do you enjoy the flesh-eating zombies? The hayrides with chainsaws and prisoners? I'm lucky that my girls are still little and Halloween can still be about playing pretend and "Five Little Pumpkins Sitting on a Gate." Cause there's enough scary stuff on the nightly news to keep me looking over my shoulder all year long. 

Think About It Thursday: What are you misinterpreting?

One of my favorite marriage lessons:

An old man and old woman have been married for forty years.They love each other in every way. The years have been kind to them and between them there is only one hidden resentment.

For their entire marriage, the man had always given his wife the heel of every bread loaf. Whether it was a sandwich, garlic bread, or just bread fresh from the oven, she always got the heel.

"Why can't I ever have the soft middle of the bread?" she'd stew. "Why does he always keep the best part for himself?"

After 40 years, one day she couldn't stand it any more. As he served her a sandwich made from store-bought bread, there was the heel as the top of her sandwich.

"Why do you always do this?" she cried. "I hate the heel. I like the soft part! I've only eaten it all these years to make you happy. Why can't you ever take the heel to show you love me?!"

"I've always given it to you," the man said softly, "because it's my favorite part."

Not just in your partnership with your significant other, but where else in life is there a supposed slight that you may be misinterpreting? Where is there a snap judgement that could have another explanation? Too often we are too busy and self-centered to consider another meaning. Take a few minutes to figure out your "heel" and then speak up or let it go. Don't hold a resentment for 40 years. Life is too short. 

 

Think About It Thursday: Busy is a Choice

Think About It Thursday: Are you getting enough sleep?

Graphic courtesy National Sleep Foundation.

 

I know the answer...NO! Most of us, kids and adults alike, are not getting enough sleep. We all know the dangers of not getting enough sleep. And, we probably all know our triggers (caffeine, children-who-still-wake-up-at-2 a.m.....I'm talking to you). But how can we get MORE!? Here are a few simple suggestions I find encouraging for both children and adults:

• Increase light exposure during the day - open your bedroom shades upon waking, take a brief walk at lunchtime, get the kids outside for a few minutes before the bus comes, park and get out of the car at school pickup. More exposure to natural light is supposed to help us sleep sounder and longer at night. 
• Try one of these snacks before bed -- there are certain food that are supposed to enhance sleepiness (I prefer the suggestion of a bowl of cereal over the offer of tuna, shrimp, or lobster before bed). The point is -- don't go to bed hungry, but don't overdo it either. 
• Take your socks off -- I love this quirky tip that sticking your feet out from under the covers will help you fall back to sleep quickly (supposedly it helps lower your internal temperature which induces sleep).
• Eat dinner earlier - Moving up dinner time makes sure the heavy digestion from a big meal is already underway by the time you hit the hay. But eating earlier also gives you a head start on cleaning up the kitchen, and getting the kiddos ready for bed, which means everyone can get to sleep a little sooner. 

Think About It Thursday: Why Our Kids Should be Bored

 

It's OK for them to look like this!

Many kids are so overscheduled today they don't ever have the opportunity to whine, "MOM! I'm bored!" And while scheduled activities, sport teams, and arts enrichment are a good thing, everything requires moderation. Even boredom. It turns out this usually negative connotation is essential to self-sufficiency. 

Do your kids ever have the chance to be bored? Especially at the start of a new school year with the chance to sign up for for new clubs, teams, and civic groups it's a good idea to check in and see if maybe, as a family, you've signed up for too many "opportunities." How to tell?

I love this Huff Post slide show on how to tell if your kid is overscheduled. Some tell-tale signs:

- Increased neediness, crankiness, or general grumpies.

- Usually mundane tasks become overwhelming (homework -- I'm talking to you here). 

- Change in diet: loss of interest in favorite foods or eating too much. 

Of course kids who are cranky and too busy can lead to parents who are cranky and too busy. Some tell tale signs for adults whose children are over committed:

 

- Is your house a perpetual mess because you're always in the car shuttling the kids around to activities?

-When was the last time you enjoyed preparing and sitting down for a family meal?

-Do you have checkbook fatigue from the costs associated with all these interests?

If so, it may be time to reevaluate some of this enrichment. I love this Life Hacks article on how boredom can be a good thing:

"As a society, we’re over-stimulated to the point of mania, like hyper-excited children in those few moments at a party before it all goes wrong and everyone starts crying."

So even though you've already shelled out money for the soccer uniform, the instrument rental or the Girl Scout vest -- it's OK to let it go. Even if at first your child seemed really jazzed about art class but is now waning, maybe it's time to reconsider. Each family and each child is different about what outside commitments they can handle with regards to both time and finances. Do you still have time for quality family interactions? If not, it's OK to quit the team. It's OK to stop the music lessons. It's OK to invest in some boredom and reclaim that important family time.