When we moved to a new neighborhood last year, one of the motivating factors was that the new house was in a "more playable" neighborhood -- quieter streets with sidewalks that were all connected without needing to cross a busy road. I couldn't wait to meet all of the families in the neighborhood! I couldn't wait to have the yard full of kids! I grew up with spontaneous play dates and huge neighborhood games after school. I want my girls to have the same experience.
Except, we've been here over a year now and we haven't met any kids -- despite the fact that we play in the yard daily and we walk to school nearly a mile each way. We haven't had any drop-by play sessions. We've only waved at families as they drive by in their vehicles. The only people we see walking the beautiful sidewalks are older folks with their dogs.
Where are all the children???
Inside, obviously, on their devices. Or playing Minecraft at a scheduled playdate. Or practicing -- soccer, hockey, dance, art, music, martial arts -- at a scheduled lesson. Because apparently, just playing isn't allowed for kids anymore. It's not good enough. It's not safe enough. Unless you have to drive your kid to whatever the activity is it's just not a worthy use of their time.
Kids today are so overscheduled and over managed they are not allowed to have any free choice. Because all of this scheduling and managing keeps them "safe," right? Nevermind the fact that they are missing crucial growth steps in how to make friends without moms texting up a play date. Or how to pick teams without an adult advising them. What to do if you discover an injured bird. In essence -- they are missing out on growth opportunities for compassion, fairness, confidence, and responsibility. They are missing out on growing up. How did this happen in just one generation?
Linda Edgecombe sums it up well in her book "Breaking Busy: Finding Peace in the Chaos." She traces this fear factor back to when cable television was introduced in the 1980s and when all of this information (much of it negative) became so much more available:
With access to "all news, all the time" came all the not so positive or hopeful influx of things that were going on in the world. If we turn on our televisions or browse the web, we are subjected to the news. So let's cut to the chase and be real with who we've become: we've become afraid.
We live by the "What If?" factor. When we sat around watching four newscasts a day (let alone one!) we started to allow fear to feed how we lived our lives. And that fear, which had so unconsciously crept in, spread like an out-of-control weed when we, the former freedom kids of the Baby Boomer generation, started having kids of our own. Our kids then started spending way more time inside because those "what ifs" drove us all indoors and we, as parents, felt the need to supervise everything.
We send our kids to school long before kindergarten because four years old isn't early enough. Our two year olds are learning a second language and taking self defense lessons, just to protect themselves on the playground. And oh yeah, we drove them there and picked them up.
Fast forward, past the microwave, computer, email, and cell phone to a life of "instant everything." In person and electronically, we are overloaded with the images of what keeps us fearful. It has become our new cultural norm. It's pretty darn hard to be happy when we're scared 24/7.
I refuse to buy into this fear factor. I refuse to let my girls be scheduled 24/7 in order to "save" them. They need to learn to make their own choices, find their own entertainment, make friends the old-fashioned way. We will continue to see out like-minded families who feel that play is important. And just for the record, our hood is not unfriendly. We have met some beautiful neighbors who love to interact with our girls. It's just that they are about 50 years too old to be interested in coming over to play Winx in the yard. Or check out our swingset. Or let popsicles melt all over the porch. However, whenever we do encounter our neighbors, they always make sure to tell me how happy they are to see our children in the neighborhood. How refreshing it is to hear us play in the yard. Because these are sights and sounds that they miss in their lives today.
But I'm not giving up. We'll keep searching. I hope you will too.
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